Child bullying: what to do

{{whyLabel}}: To ensure your child feels heard and safe enough to share the full extent of the situation without fear of judgment.

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• Sit at eye level and maintain a calm, non-reactive posture.
• Use prompts like "Tell me more about that" and "How did that make you feel?"
• Avoid immediate solutions; focus on validating their emotions first.

{{doneWhenLabel}}: Your child has shared their perspective and feels emotionally supported.

{{whyLabel}}: Schools and authorities require factual, dated evidence to take formal action.

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• Use a dedicated notebook or digital document.
• Record the date, time, specific location (e.g., cafeteria, bus), and names of those involved.
• Describe the exact words or actions used and list any witnesses.
• Note the physical or emotional impact on your child (e.g., torn clothes, refusal to eat).

{{doneWhenLabel}}: A chronological record of all known incidents is documented.

{{whyLabel}}: You need to know the school's legal obligations and the specific procedures they must follow.

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• Check the school's official website under 'Policies' or 'Student Handbook'.
• Look for definitions of bullying, reporting timelines, and disciplinary steps.
• Print or save a copy to reference during meetings.

{{doneWhenLabel}}: You have a copy of the policy and understand the school's required response.

{{whyLabel}}: A written record forces the school to acknowledge the issue and starts a legal paper trail.

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• Use a template from organizations like PACER.org or Kidscape.
• State clearly that you are reporting bullying and request an investigation.
• Include a summary of your incident log and request a response within 5 school days.
• CC the classroom teacher and the school counselor.

{{doneWhenLabel}}: The letter is sent via email or certified mail.

{{whyLabel}}: To collaborate on a concrete safety plan and hold the school accountable.

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• Bring your incident log and the school's policy.
• Ask: "What specific steps will be taken to ensure my child's safety in 'hot spots' like the playground?"
• Request a written summary of the meeting and the agreed-upon action plan.
• Stay calm and focused on the solution rather than blame.

{{doneWhenLabel}}: A meeting has occurred and an action plan is documented.

{{whyLabel}}: To provide your child with immediate physical and emotional refuge during the school day.

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• Work with the teacher to name 2-3 specific adults (e.g., a librarian, a specific yard duty teacher).
• Identify locations where your child can go if they feel threatened (e.g., the front office, a specific classroom).
• Ensure your child knows exactly how to access these people/places.

{{doneWhenLabel}}: Your child can name their safe people and safe zones.

{{whyLabel}}: Assertiveness reduces the 'reward' for the bully and increases the child's confidence.

{{howLabel}}:

• Stand Positive: Practice tall posture and direct eye contact.
• Avoid: Role-play walking away calmly without looking back.
• Find Support: Practice saying "I'm going to tell a teacher now."
• Express: Use "I-messages" like "I don't like that, stop it."

{{doneWhenLabel}}: Your child can demonstrate these 4 steps in a role-play scenario.

{{whyLabel}}: Bibliotherapy helps children process their experiences through relatable characters and learn strategies.

{{howLabel}}:

• Read the book together during a quiet time.
• Discuss the "B.E.A.N.S." acronym (Bullies Everywhere Are Now Stopped).
• Ask your child which character they relate to most and why.

{{doneWhenLabel}}: The book has been read and discussed.

{{whyLabel}}: Building skills outside of school helps rebuild self-esteem and creates a new, positive social circle.

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• Choose an activity based on the child's interest (e.g., Martial Arts for physical confidence, Drama for vocal assertiveness, or a local Scout group).
• Focus on environments that prioritize teamwork and respect.
• Schedule this at least once a week to ensure consistency.

{{doneWhenLabel}}: Your child has attended their first session of a new activity.

{{whyLabel}}: To maintain open communication and monitor for any signs of recurring bullying or trauma.

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• Set a recurring 30-minute block (e.g., Sunday afternoon walk or cocoa time).
• Use the "High/Low/Buffalo" method: Share the best part of the week, the hardest part, and something weird/unexpected.
• Keep the focus on connection, not just "interrogation" about school.

{{doneWhenLabel}}: The first check-in is completed and a recurring calendar invite is set.

{{whyLabel}}: Bullying often migrates online (cyberbullying) when physical access is restricted.

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• Review privacy settings on any apps your child uses.
• Discuss the "Screenshot Rule": If someone says something mean, screenshot it immediately and show an adult.
• Use generic parental control tools to monitor for keywords related to harassment.

{{doneWhenLabel}}: Privacy settings are updated and the screenshot rule is explained.

{{whyLabel}}: Professional help may be needed if the child shows signs of depression, anxiety, or school refusal.

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• Look for therapists specializing in "Trauma-Informed Care" or "Social-Emotional Learning."
• Contact your pediatrician for a referral.
• Prepare a summary of the bullying incidents and your child's behavioral changes for the first appointment.

{{doneWhenLabel}}: A consultation is scheduled or a list of 3 potential therapists is created.