Conflict resolution techniques

{{whyLabel}}: Knowing your natural reaction to conflict (Competing, Collaborating, Compromising, Avoiding, or Accommodating) allows you to consciously choose a more effective approach.

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• Review the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) dimensions: Assertiveness vs. Cooperativeness.
• Reflect on your last three disagreements and categorize your behavior into one of the five modes.
• Identify which mode you over-rely on and which you tend to avoid.

{{doneWhenLabel}}: You have written down your primary conflict style and one situation where a different style would have been better.

{{whyLabel}}: This approach ensures that maintaining the relationship remains a priority while solving the actual problem.

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• Commit to the rule: 'Separate the person from the problem.'
• Practice viewing the other party as a partner in a puzzle rather than an opponent.
• Focus on 'Interests' (why someone wants something) rather than 'Positions' (what they say they want).

{{doneWhenLabel}}: You can explain the difference between a position and an interest using a concrete example.

{{whyLabel}}: Evaluations feel like attacks; pure observations reduce defensiveness.

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• List 3 recent triggers (e.g., 'You are always late').
• Rewrite them as pure observations (e.g., 'You arrived 15 minutes after our agreed time twice this week').
• Ensure no judgmental adjectives (like 'lazy' or 'irresponsible') are used.

{{doneWhenLabel}}: You have three rewritten statements that contain only observable facts.

{{whyLabel}}: Taking responsibility for your feelings prevents the other person from feeling blamed for your internal state.

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• Use the formula: 'I feel [emotion] because I need [universal human need].'
• Avoid 'pseudo-feelings' like 'I feel ignored' (which implies the other person is doing something to you).
• Use true emotions like 'I feel lonely' or 'I feel frustrated.'

{{doneWhenLabel}}: You have mapped 5 common emotions you feel during conflict to their underlying needs (e.g., respect, clarity, safety).

{{whyLabel}}: People cannot fulfill your needs if they don't know exactly what you want them to do.

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• Ensure the request is positive (what to do, not what to stop doing).
• Make it specific and doable (e.g., 'Would you be willing to text me if you're running 5 mins late?' instead of 'Be more respectful').
• Use the full NVC string: Observation + Feeling + Need + Request.

{{doneWhenLabel}}: You have written one complete NVC statement for a current or potential conflict.

{{whyLabel}}: Reflecting shows the other person they are understood, which is the fastest way to lower their emotional intensity.

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• Use paraphrasing: 'What I hear you saying is...' or 'So, from your perspective...'
• Reflect the emotion: 'It sounds like you're feeling really overwhelmed by this.'
• Wait for their confirmation ('Yes, exactly') before moving to your own point.

{{doneWhenLabel}}: You have practiced this in a low-stakes conversation for at least 5 minutes.

{{whyLabel}}: Questions that start with 'What' or 'How' invite exploration rather than defensive 'Yes/No' answers.

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• Avoid 'Why' questions as they often sound accusatory.
• Use: 'How does this situation affect you?' or 'What would a good outcome look like for you?'
• Listen to the answer without preparing your rebuttal.

{{doneWhenLabel}}: You have a list of 5 'go-to' curiosity questions for your next disagreement.

{{whyLabel}}: Highlighting what you both want (e.g., 'a peaceful home' or 'a successful project') shifts the dynamic from 'Me vs. You' to 'Us vs. The Problem.'

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• Start the negotiation by stating a shared objective.
• Ask: 'What is one thing we both agree on right now?'
• Use 'Yes, and...' instead of 'Yes, but...' to build on ideas.

{{doneWhenLabel}}: You have identified at least two shared goals for a specific recurring conflict.

{{whyLabel}}: Focusing on a single solution leads to power struggles; multiple options lead to creativity.

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• Set a timer for 5 minutes to list as many solutions as possible without judging them.
• Ensure at least two options address the other person's primary interest.
• Evaluate the options based on objective criteria (e.g., cost, time, fairness).

{{doneWhenLabel}}: You have a list of at least 3 potential solutions for a conflict.

{{whyLabel}}: Practicing in a safe environment builds the 'muscle memory' needed for high-stress situations.

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• Ask a friend to play the 'difficult' person in a scenario you often face.
• Practice your NVC statements and active listening.
• Ask for feedback: 'Did you feel heard?' and 'Was my request clear?'

{{doneWhenLabel}}: You have completed a 15-minute role-play session and received feedback.

{{whyLabel}}: Continuous improvement requires analyzing what worked and what didn't after real-life interactions.

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• After any disagreement, spend 5 minutes writing down: 1. What was the trigger? 2. How did I respond? 3. What NVC step did I miss? 4. How can I improve next time?
• Track your progress over 4 weeks.

{{doneWhenLabel}}: You have completed your first journal entry after a real-life conflict.